Current mood:	contemplative
Current music:	Poison - Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Well, it's been a while....
Okay so here goes, but before you read any further, this will probably end up being a little pathetic, maybe even EMO...Just wanted to give you all a fair warning before you all read any further....With that said here goes...A whole heckavu lot has happened since I last updated which was damn near a year ago. For starters I was discharged from the Army, for medical reasons. To this day it's something that I regret and if I had my way, I would definetly re-up, which actually may be a possibility, depending on if I can stay relatively healthy. Getting discharged from the Army was probably one of the biggest blows to me Ego, ever. When I was in...there was this sense of accomplishment, pride and commraderie. Getting those papers was almost as if I had failed at it, but it didn't seem fair because I had no control over it, it was just something that came on sort of suddenly. After being discharged I lost a lot of direction in my life, as I was planning on being on active status for at least 40 Weeks or so. Effectively, I had absolutely no contigency plans or "what if" scenarios planned, just incase something like a discharge were to happen. For a while I just wondered whatthe heck I was going to do, as I was graduating soon as well. I didn't really want to go to Grad school just yet Luckily it wasn't to bad, as I had the support of my then Girlfriend Maureen (more on that later) to help me through the time when I really had no aim. I did graduate on time, but I still had no job or any idea what to do. Eventaully I got a job working for DHL, which I still have and by the way sucks hard. But hey it was a job and my girlfriend was in syacuse for the summer while she had a job at the DA's office here in the cuse, so it pretty much worked out for the better or so i thought.So summer ended, and maureen and I went seperate ways, to once again resume the long distance, until we'd get a chance to see eachother again, which I thought would probably be around my B-day. A little while goes by, as I grind away at DHL and my birthday fast approaches, understandably I'm getting a little excited. Here the details become disputed by both parties, but I'll tell it how I remember, a day or so before my birthday Maureen calls me, or I call her...I can't really remember. Anyway, we talk for a while and we have and maureen brings up "not being able to do it any more" of course by that I mean the long distance. She then brings up a whole host of reasons, which I won't really get into, because I'm not out to really make anyone feel bad or embarassed with this. Anyway, I think maureen is totally off base with some, if not most of these things, we argue for a bit, and then hang up. At that point I remember just being in this weird "fog." I felt as if for the next couple of days I was just watching my self go through the motions of a normal daily routine, I was there, but I wasn't...y'know? The one feeling I DO remember vividly is the sick, naseated feeling of "I'm about to vomit..." So time goes by some more and I hang out with some people here and There...Christine and Liz...if you're reading this I'm sorry if it seemed a bit akward, it was the first time I had hung out with a girl other than my girlfriend in a looooooooooong whie. Any who....that kinda brings us up to today, right now I'm still working at DHL, which stil sucks. Also I'm getting my ass back to the gym, since like most military folks when they get out of the service, I put some weight back on. I think I may ed up turning this into a fitness/waitloss journalas I figure it will motivate me more to loose those inches. Also I am seriously considering going back into the service, but I haven't quite figure that one out yet, right now I have some Irons in the fire so we'll see where those lead to first. But Hopefully I'll be back in "fightin shape" by summer and I'll be able to make a better decision. Anywho thats it for now, but expect more updates and the such, at least weekly with my progress